It takes time to be fully ourselves in this world
In Lebanon, the reality of being queer, set against the backdrop of Arab culture, is not only challenging but also deemed forbidden. In fact, Lebanese law still criminalizes same-sex relations, and societal, familial, and religious pressures often silence those who live outside its rigid norms.Xafeer is one such voice—a twenty-two-year-old graphic design student identifying as non-binary and trans masculine.
At nineteen, after an adolescence marked by identity struggles, he distanced himself from she/them pronouns and embraced he/them. “I grew up sheltered; I didn’t even know what being gay was until I was thirteen. It took me years to understand my gender dysphoria. Back then, I didn’t have the space in my head to question my identity.”
Fear of rejection kept Xafeer from openly embracing his identity. “My parents joke about these things, they don’t take them seriously.” When his mother discovered he was spending time with queer people, she told him, “You look like them, but I know who you truly are.” Many Lebanese parents choose denial over acceptance, hoping their child will eventually conform. Yet, when Xafeer officially came out to her, she took the time to process it rather than react with hostility.
Coming out to his father was different. After finding a condom in Xafeer’s apartment, his father confronted him. In an attempt to defuse the situation, Xafeer came out as a lesbian. His father calmed down—highlighting the paradox where Lebanese fathers often find lesbianism more acceptable than their daughters engaging in heterosexual relationships before marriage. Unlike many in his situation, Xafeer never had a proper coming-out conversation. Only recently has he begun to accept his father’s past behaviors, recognizing that “he acted based on what he knew from his own upbringing. It’s generational.” Over time, through conversations and boundaries, his father has come to accept him as an individual with his own ambitions.
Despite small steps forward, Lebanon’s LGBTQ+ community continues to face systemic repression. From the targeted attack on a drag show in Mar Mikhael in August 2023 to official calls for banning LGBTQ+ events, queer existence remains under threat. Even mainstream pop culture isn’t exempt—calls to censor the Barbie movie over non-conforming gender roles only reinforce the deep-seated fear of difference.
"I struggle when it comes to expressing myself gender-wise" he admitted. "I don’t want my breasts to be revealed. I want to decide how to do my hair.” For as long as he could remember, he had felt caught between definitions imposed on him. "I feel very comfortable with my masculine side, but at the same time, I cannot be with my feminine one," he explained. "From a young age, I struggled to be what people define as a woman. I struggled to have any sort of identity because people would always say I’m not man enough, but I’m also not woman enough.”
It took years to put those feelings into words. As a child, he didn’t have the language or the space to explore his identity. He only knew that something felt off, something that kept him from fully settling into himself. "I will reach a point in my life where I will look at myself in the mirror and recognize what I see. I will live freely."
I asked him to imagine speaking to his thirteen-year-old self, to deliver a message to the younger version of him who was still lost in uncertainty. He thought for a moment before saying, "Be patient. Take your time. You are going through hard stuff, but you are not alone. Take it easy, don’t be so hard on yourself.” When I asked where he saw his older self, his answer came without hesitation. "My older self won’t be in this country. He will be surrounded by kind and understanding people, serving as a safety net always there for me, and having an even better relationship with my parents."
These pictures are part of the "INDIVISIBLE II" campaign launched by @_1morecup in partnership with MOSAIC-MENA and with the support of the German Embassy in Lebanon for the 16 Days of Activism to End Gender-Based Violence 2023. This project documented stories of diverse survivors of GBV, from some of the most marginalized community groups.